Ep.1 “Dorms & Doughnuts”

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Dear diary, we haven’t met yet but allow me to introduce myself…

My name is Rheanna, and I am a regular old 18-year-old full time college
student, who also happens to be working at a little restaurant just a few
blocks down. TJC is entirely new to me, and I am 6 hours away from any friend,
family, or acquaintance I once had.

I guess that comes down to being my fault considering I told my parents for
the longest time I wanted to “be as far away as possible”. What I clearly
didn’t take into factor was that I have social anxiety, meaning making new
friends face to face is a no can do. Of course, I want to make new friends, but
it definitely will not be me making the first move.

To tell a bit of a sob story…

Let’s get real personal right now. The 6 hours between my friends and family
is taking the biggest toll on me. My autophobia, the fear of being alone, is
really coming down hard on me right now, especially as a freshman on campus.
Now it’s not just the feeling of being lonely but the mental state of being
alone. Imagine this, you’re in this crowded place with a bunch of people you
may or may not know, and you suddenly feel this pounding in your chest. What
you see is different from what I would see.  I see this dark abyss and the only thing there
is me, alone and scared.

Leaving my home was already hard enough for me, but not being able to call
someone and have them come over simply just to hang out is tough. Having close
connections with people is already a challenge for me. Leaving all my friends just
makes it worse. Being the lonely outcast girl that sits in the back of the room
is difficult, and people like me are often overlooked.

Also, what is up with this heat?

I love summer as much as the next girl, but this 102-degree weather has got
to go! Unless I’m on a big boat in the middle of the ocean, or just near any
water, prefer not to be scorched two steps into my day Tanning is always great,
but at this point I just immediately turn into a boiled lobster.

Don’t even get me started with how hot my hair can get. I may not have the
longest hair, but it sure is thick! Not only does it burn my hand to touch the
top of my head, but my scalp is just drowning in sweat. Water is my best friend
whether it’s me jumping into it or just drinking as much as I can get. All I
know is that water is essential, and there is no way I’m about to survive
without a lot of it every single day.

Now that we have the boring part out of the way, let’s talk real

As some have probably heard, college is supposed to be the worst couple of
years of your life. Frankly, I don’t believe a single word of that. Of course,
I guess it depends on what you decide to major in and how many hours you decide
to take, but I have no plans on letting that get in my way.

I’ll tell you what is awful. Why is it so expensive just to go to school?
Let’s not forgot about these expensive textbooks either. How many times do
these professors think I’m going to be using these throughout my life? It’s ridiculous.

Why do I have to break myself financially in order to simply do the thing I want
to love in this world? Regardless of that obvious annoyance, I just hope
college isn’t the worst years of my life, but I guess we’ll just have to find
out.

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