Lord. Have. Mercy.

The latest gross-out horror movie, ‘Evil Dead,’ rated R and released April 5, drags you to hell and back and dares you to keep your eyes open.

The plot goes like this: a few friends journey to the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE to a cabin in the woods (genius) for some vacation time and to help their friend Mia kick a nasty drug habit. As Mia goes through violent withdrawals, the others find a skin-bound book in the basement, which as we all can figure out, they decide to read from—over and over. Mayhem ensues, Mia vomits blood all over her friend, and the fun just keeps churning out until the big finish (cue chainsaw).

Seriously, folks, this one got me. If you’ve read any of my other horror movie reviews—which are my favorite to rip apart—I’m a bit of a cynic. I feel like I got a mental spanking after I saw ‘Evil Dead.’ All other flicks in its genre must now bow down in reverence to its almighty terror.

Like every other fan of this cult classic, I put on my breaks when I heard they were remaking it, but of course it sparked my interest. In fact, it has been in development since 2005, so many failed to see that it would ever come into fruition.

Let me tell you: the wait was worth it. Just watching the trailer spooked me, and as a result, the vision of Mia’s delightful face didn’t allow me to sleep that night.

As soon as the blood and guts—and detached limbs—roll in, there’s not moment or break to catch your breath. I felt like I just ran a marathon when I left the theater. It was awesome.

It got off to an unbalanced start that seemed a bit strained and didn’t carry near the velocity the rest of the film punches out, but I can forgive them for that. The rest of the movie was a hard shotgun blow to the face.

On the poster, it claims that it is “the most terrifying film you will ever experience.” Some pretty big shoes to fill with such a bold statement, but trust me, it delivers so much more than you ever wanted to see. Raise your hand if you mini-barfed when Mia sliced her tongue mid-possession with an X-ACTO knife. Yummy.evildead

The reboot scared up about $26 million in its debut weekend in the top spot at the box office. To put it in perspective, that’s already about 11 times what its predecessor in its entire run, or around $6 million overshadowing the entire ‘Evil Dead’ trilogy, according to ‘Rolling Stone.’

Did I mention the music? The score always makes the movie, but in this case, it dominates. It’s got the quintessential quivering violins for suspense, but the sound effects that are thrown in the pot downright ethereal. Chilling stuff for a movie that exploits the undead.

I’m usually pretty hard on movies for not being relatable or realistic, and this one certainly wasn’t either of those at all. I mean, let’s be real: who finds a book wrapped in thick plastic and barbed wire in the bottom of a dead cat infested basement with the words “Do Not Open This Book” on the front and then proceeds to read from it out loud? Idiots. Idiots who then slash off their own arm with an electric knife.

The original ‘Evil Dead’ installments will forever be praised as some of the most disgusting and effective cult horrors of our time. It paved the way for the modern shock value, and on such a low budget—for which it’s notorious for—it’s no wonder it’s a classic.

It’s not necessary to mention that the college-aged Raimi didn’t do too shabby with the originals. After all, that famous gut wrencher was all he needed to sink his teeth in the film business.

It really makes me wonder why more horror flicks just don’t seem to fit the bill anymore. Think back to all the scariest movies in history: Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Carrie—the list goes on for days. They all happened back when horror was at its peak

However, I feel like while the new ‘Evil Dead’ brought on the new age tactics to please the young guns, it pays huge homage to its bloody original. That’s why it works. Mad props to them.

I give this movie a straight five out of five chips, which to me seems a bit modest. Even in this review, I’ve only covered the basics of what this film really is: the most electrifying ‘gore’gasm I’ve ever witnessed. Never have I been so shaken up after a movie that even two weeks after I’ve seen it, I’m still reeling about it. Just like what Mia says, until you’ve seen it, “You DON’T understand.”

 

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here