By Marshall Cearfoss
Look, there are good movies, there are bad movies, and then there’s this.
There’s no point in even trying to explain the story line. I think it had something to do with Egypt and gods or something. I was too confused to keep track.
This was one of the most inconsistently bad movies I’ve ever seen.
Opposed to equally balancing out the movie budget, they placed ALL OF THE MONEY in certain, specific parts, yet denied other parts of ANY money.
For example, some of the CGI (the not-real things) was actually extremely realistic.
Whereas 95% of the other CGI looks like they tried running Final Cut Pro X on a Gameboy.
Some of the acting was somewhat decent.
Whereas the rest of it seemed as if they yanked the actors out of a grade school theater play, held them in solitary confinement for their entire lives, finally released them from confinement, shoved a script in front of them, and told them not to cry for help.
Also, anytime there was a seemingly impossible problem, the characters would just, you know, do Egyptian god things and fix the problem. Whereas there were plenty of problems that they “couldn’t” fix, which left me mentally screaming at the screen, “YOU’RE A FREAKING GOD. PLEASE STOP FAILING.”
Lastly, the actors obviously weren’t taught how to consistently keep an accent.
All of these Egyptian gods kept accidentally sounding like underpaid southern Californian actors.
This movie made me regret everything. Everything.
I’d like to thank Times Square Cinema for allowing me to watch this atrocity.
From the looks of it, this movie is going to undergo an impressive flop, so let’s help out Times Square and watch it once. Then we can all laugh at it together.