The challenges of living apart
Growing up as a twin is special. My brother and I were inseparable. Most people referred to us as twins instead of our individual names. We did everything together. When one of us learned something new, we taught the other one. When one of us got in trouble, the other one would be close by whether he agreed with the plan or not. When someone picked a fight with one of us, well they got us both. My parents always told us that we would be separated when we went to school, but for our elementary and middle school years, we had the same classes. In high school, we had many of the same classes, as well. My parents always encouraged each of us to have our own interests, but we continued to like all the same things.
We are fraternal and not identical twins, but we still have an incredibly special bond and our own language. When in group settings, a simple gesture or quick glare can ensure that we are on the same page. I can remember in elementary school when with a simple glance, we both knew what part of the assignment on the dry erase board that we each needed to copy so we could get to recess quicker. I could always tell when something was bothering my brother as he could with me. We were each other’s biggest fan and competition during our years of basketball, baseball and football.
In 2021, prior to our senior year of high school, my brother and I needed to start to apply for college. Initially we applied to all the same schools. My parents then had to set us down and have the separation talk with us again. My brother wanted to continue playing baseball in college, but I had no desire to do so. We went on college visits together, but quickly realized that we would be attending different colleges.
By spring 2022, I decided on my college and my brother committed to an out-of-state school. I was so excited for him to continue playing the game he loved, but dreaded the day that we would have to separate for college.
That July, my family helped my brother pack up and move to Arkansas for his next chapter of life. I helped him pack and unpack all his things in his new place. I think I dreaded the time to leave as much as my mom. I was not only leaving my brother, but I was leaving my best friend. A quick glance from my brother assured me that my brother was feeling sad too. I can still remember our hug and the long stare that we gave each other as our peep talk -we could do this.
The drive home was a long one. A few weeks later I moved to TJC. This was the first time I had done anything alone in my life. I thought of how my brother had to be having the same feelings. All the other milestones in our lives had been taken together. It was bittersweet for both of us. I have always had a challenging time putting into words exactly how I felt. I now realized that the feeling was loneliness. I was surrounded by many people, but I felt alone without my brother. It was like a piece of me was missing. The bond that twins share is a unique one.
Over the first few months, we shared lots of calls, texts, and Facetime calls. We both jumped at every opportunity to come home for visits to see each other. As the time moved on, I started to find my groove and feel less alone. I think that talking about it with friends and family helped me. I now realize that this is something experienced by many twins.
My brother and I are both in our second year of college now. We still have our special bond but being apart has become easier over time. I am grateful that my brother is only a call, text or Facetime away. We will always share our special twin bond, but now I feel less lonely. As we both begin to move further into adulthood, being separated continues to be easier. The time apart has made our homecomings so much more fun and memorable.