I'm standing at Lake Tyler enjoying the sunset. Life after rape does get better; it’ll hurt for a while, but healing is a journey.
Disclaimer: This article may be triggering to some readers because it deals with topics of sexual assault and rape.
In my junior year of high school, I was raped. I was 16 years old. The person who raped me was my boyfriend at the time. It took a lot of time for me to come to terms with this, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is life after rape.
According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, one in nine teenage girls is raped. Also, females aged 16-19 are four times more likely to be raped, sexually assaulted or be the victim of attempted rape. Also, RAINN reports 93% of perpetrators are someone the victim knows, and about a third of women report it to the police.
Additionally, RAINN reports date rape affects 35% of women between the ages of 18 and 24. According to carenetabq.com, date rape is the common name for describing what happens when you are forced into a sexual act with someone you know. If someone is arrested for date rape, they can be charged with first-degree sexual assault, deviant sexual intercourse or anything in between. It depends on the situation. Carenetabq.com also mentions someone can face more than one criminal charge for committing date rape.
I did not report my perpetrator to the police. My reasonings for this were that I was scared of him, and I was worried nobody would believe me. I also wasn’t ready to share my story. Date rape is also very hard to prove because many men don’t realize that convincing you to have sex or pushing you to do anything you’re not comfortable with is a form of rape. I don’t regret my decision because I knew I would have to explain my story to people who wouldn’t understand, and I wanted to control who knew. I didn’t want to tell my experience to a jury of people especially when I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
I didn’t tell anyone until way after it had happened. I was so mad at myself because I felt as though it was my fault, and I felt betrayed by someone very close to me. I thought it was my fault because I chose to get in the truck with him. It hurt even more to know he probably didn’t realize what he did was wrong. I eventually realized it wasn’t my fault. Even though I put myself in the situation, it’s not my fault.
My mom was the first person I told. She told me she wished I had told her sooner. She knew I wasn’t lying, and was disappointed that I didn’t come to her as soon as it happened.
Rape is a hard thing to overcome. It completely destroyed me as a person, and it wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I felt at peace with myself. Sure I told people, but I did it because I felt like I had to, and not because I wanted to. Now I’m at the point where I feel comfortable sharing my story.
Eventually, I grew from this. While I was angry for a long time, it did help me to stand up for myself in future situations. I also value myself so much more after realizing that my rape doesn’t define me. It was just something that happened to me; not something that defines me.
However, I will say there is one thing I regret. I regret not getting help. My healing process took four years, and I believe getting help would have lessened that process. I wish I would’ve found counseling for this.
I want it to be known the purpose of my article is not for people to pity me, but to inform people that date rape is a real thing. Male or female, it’s important to be careful about the situations that you put yourself in. Rape is not about sex. It’s about the power and control someone wants to have over a person.