With all of the recent hubbub floating around in the media, I need a little space to vent. I cannot fathom how much American society is wrapped up in the garbage that has happened to a few celebrities in the past few weeks, but this column is fair game, so I can and will take advantage of it.
First off, I am sure everyone has heard of the tempests the “lovely” Kim Kardashian is facing in her life right now. She had to endure the title Mrs. Kris Humphries for a grueling seventy-two days and simply could not stand it any longer. Let’s all take a moment of silence for the brain cells that just died in her head while she rolls in the piles of money she made off the “fairy tale” wedding.
I am positively floored to think that her family is famous for being, well, famous. She spends millions of dollars on this magical wedding and sells the publicity to the E! channel. My advice to Miss Priss? Develop some class or at least add it to your fourth grade vocabulary.
Another burr that has been in my saddle lately is the whole Justin Bieber paternity scandal. If you have not heard, Mariah Yeater, now twenty years old, claims that Justin Bieber is the father of her three-month-old baby as a result of a fling at a concert. Of course, Bieber, only seventeen years old, is denying it.
Let me be honest for a moment. Staying true to my sadistic sense of humor, I am keeping my fingers crossed in hopes that the test turns out to be positive. At least the “Beebs” has a song already for this occasion (eh-hem, “Baby”). If you have not already seen Jimmy Fallon’s parody of the song pertaining to this situation, I urge you to do so. He is perhaps a better Bieber than the original.
My predictions say that this “tragedy” will be the end of the Bieber era (thank goodness) and probably the end of many preteen lives.
Another point that makes me cringe is an announcement that was made earlier this week. Apparently, the American population needs one more Duggar. Yes, you guessed it. Mrs. Duggar along with her legion of kids announced her pregnancy with her twentieth child. Truly, I do not need to explain why this announcement makes me shake my head.
The last point of annoyance may not be as recognized as the others. “F*** the FBI and the U.S. Army troops” has become a not-so-popular lyric of the rapper (a term I use very loosely) Soulja Boy in one of his latest songs “Let’s be Real.” So OK, let’s be real here for a second, Soulja Boy. That is one hell of a bold statement coming from possibly the biggest one hit wonder of the decade. The guy comes out with “Crank that Soulja Boy,” a song that’s popularity never spread farther than a sophomore high school class.
Let me break this song down for you. Immediately after putting down the troops, Soulja Boy puts the troops’ manhood into question. In the same song, he raps about being Peter Pan, flying through the air because nothing proves your masculinity like green spandex and your best pall Tink by your side. Which brings me to point number two.
For those of you who did not already know, this “gangster” Soulja Boy has a song with Justin Bieber entitled “Rich Gurl.” Did I spell that right? I’d say think before you put your dumb (expletive deleted) thoughts on paper, you ignorant, self-loathing, dancing-like-an-epileptic-at-a-disco, worthless sack of (insert profound adjective here). I am sure that the Army troops are shaking in their boots because of the lyrics pouring out of an 85-pound wannabe rapper with the attention span of my pet goldfish.
If you really think you are the gangster you say you are, I would like to cordially invite you to the nearest V.A. center and bring a camera because the footage of you getting your teeth kicked in by a group of 90-year-old WWII vets should go over great with Gucci Mane and the rest of your 4th grade adult education class. Get your GED before you put the troops down because we all know you will be mowing one’s lawn in a few years based on how amazingly well thought-out your songs are.
Now, if these examples do not make you want to yell “Really?” I simply do not know what will. Time to get off this soapbox, but next time you want to lavish over these celebrities or others, just remember the nonsense they are wrapped up in continuously. It is time for Hollywood to get a life.
